true intentions and goals

one of the ladies who's in charge of this ics program that i'm in is coming to my place to discuss my goals. i'm pretty sure i'm moderately set on my goals. they may have kinda changed a little because housing in new york seems to be so difficult to get- so i'm probably gonna settle for boston which seems to be a more cleaner environment anyway. i've been seeing the traffic go up on my blog lately. the person who is bored enough to read what i say every day is NOT the person i suspect is responsible for these. i suspect my ex doug is responsible for these views because it's christmas time and he figures that since my family don't give a fuck about me- i'm desperate for company on the holidays, so he assumes i go over to his sister's place again and go through the insults from his brother in-law about how i eat and his sister immaturely laughing at the bullying basically provoking laughing at a disabled woman who has had NUMEROUS surgeries on her palate, so closing my mouth while chewing and breathing isn't ALWAYS the easiest thing for me all the time. seriously.. he couldn't even stick up for me while his sister was laughing her ass off at me while her husband was bullying me. if you can't respect me- i'm not gonna waste my time on you.. i don't give a fuck if i'm alone during the holidays.. it's better than having people laugh at you for something you really can't control. plus, i'm sure he just assumes that i don't have anything better to do, so i'll be anxious to do whatever he wants. i must be his broom or something that he assumes he can pick up and use, then put it down whenever is good for him. i kinda suspected he'd be trying to talk to me during this time because i always end up buying him a present when i go to his house, so i'm like a little santa claus to him. since i KNOW he reads this blog, i don't really understand why he doesn't get the picture that I'M TAKEN. not interested in you. especially NOT because when we were together- i distinctly remember you angering me when i was at your place a few times, to the point i was gonna reserve a lyft ride to pick me up at your place. you don't give a fuck about MY feelings. you prided yourself at screaming at me how i'd never make it to new york whenever you got pissed at me. what is that the thing that stupid people jump to when attempting to insult me/make me feel bad? "YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT TO NEW YORK." bitch, i don't forget shit.. it doesn't matter if i do have a brain injury. you can't talk to me however the fuck you want WHEN you want, and just assume i'll just be your girlfriend again. LIKE I SAID- I'M TAKEN AND AS TEMPTING AS IT SOUNDS TO JUST DUMP MY BOYFRIEND FOR SOME RACIST, DISRESPECTFUL PRICK- I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.
in other news- i just met with the lady who is gonna be in charge of this ics program and i told her that i want to get a passport because when i was just in boston with the travel pca, i was telling her how i wanted to go to mexico for my 40th birthday and i assumed i'd be okay for mexico to allow me in the country but the travel pca said that the united states may not let me return, even if i AM a dual citizen with mexico.. especially not with the wanna-be fat ass of a DICKTATER in the white house right now. my ex can go make some other chickenhead watch gordo making presidential speeches. people must think i forget about what i say on the computer and/or they DON'T care because they don't value what i think or say. i have better things to do besides deal with you assholes. go screw yourself.